ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They took my balls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
