I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
