he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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