How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
