He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
