just tell him i said nine months
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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