guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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