If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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