I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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