I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
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