Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
