i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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