Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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