If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
