Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I want to have your abortion
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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