dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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