Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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