Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
