I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
