I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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