worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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