glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
