who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
