I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
