Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
