You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
