You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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