I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cockslap morals
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
