Small penises have feelings too.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
