could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
