don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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