I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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