i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
