If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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