I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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