I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
