i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
