cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
