I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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