I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
