We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
