Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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