he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
