He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
