Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
