So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
