The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
