Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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