Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
