I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
