drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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