I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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