i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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