he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
