I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
