she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
